How do you let go?

I'm the type of person that generally gives you my full trust right off the bat. Maybe this isn't the smartest idea or the safest.. but, it is who I am.

The bad part of this... when someone breaks that trust, its nearly impossible for me to get a strong friendship back with them. I can be like a light switch, and when my emotions are turned off, I rarely turn it back on.

I had a dear friend many years ago. Our children went to the same elementary school, we were part of a big group, were all active in the school, (that was during my PTA years.. LOL).. and we were a group of your typical " kid centered" parents and friends. 
Then she did something pretty crappy to me. If I explained it, it would probably sound really stupid to you.. ( it had to do with drama in the PTA/school world.. ) but, at the time it was a real blow to our friendship and my trust.

So, in doing what I normally do when my feelings get hurt by someone I care about, I walked away from her.  It helped that we moved, our kids went to different schools.. so if either of us didn't make the effort, we wouldn't of seen each other anyway.

Neither one of us made the effort.. 

A couple of years ago I went to a mutual friends birthday party. She was there.   In a wheel chair.

Apparently she went to bed one day and woke up the next not being able to walk.  After many tests it was found she had cancer, and was given a terminal prognosis.

I sat with her and talked.. heard her story.. and was sad at how quickly life can turn on any of us.

But, inside I was still hurt.. I didn't bring up the past, because I felt that was the single most selfish thing I could do.

I was mad at myself.. here is this women who is going through hell and I am mad about some stupid PTA drama from years ago?  Am I mad? stupid? selfish?

Uggh.

We kept in touch here and there via Facebook after that. Nothing huge... She kept asking me to come over.. I kept saying I'd try.. but made no real effort.
I felt bad for her, sad for her family.. not able to even fathom what they were going through, But, I was determined to hold onto my anger and my mistrust, I was hurt.. she hurt me and I didn't want to really let it go.

So today I log on to FB and I see an update from her husband. She is much worse and they see the end coming quickly for her.

So I sit.. reading.. sad.. conflicted.. ready to let go and hopefully see her one last time. Not sure how.

It's easy to say, "just move on..."  but harder to actually do it..

How do you let go when someone you care about really hurts you. How do you move past the pain of someone letting you down, breaking the bonds of friendship and love, and how to you make it real.

I don't know the answers to this. But, I do know that there is a family that has gone through hell. They have gone through the sadness of seeing a loved one dying, hurting and fearful. They are going through the realization that her time is short and they will have to learn to go one with out her.
They are going through a hell I can't imagine and pray to God I wont have to imagine.

I feel so stupid for not just being able to let go of the past. There are times I can, that I see their situation and pain and sadness fill me. Then I think of the past and I'm conflicted.

I ask for prayers and healing to be sent to this family. I ask for the wisdom to understand that the past is the past. I ask for the ability to move on and not be so hard headed some times.

I ask for the ability to let go.